Ravina's thoughts on Crones and Croning

This was published in the Elderflower Newsletter issue 5 - Summer 2000. It is posted now to show some historical context.

I first attended Elderflower in 1989. I was 49 years old and the second oldest woman there. My impression then was that Elderflower was a young woman's spirituality festival with a nice focus on girls coming of age.

A few years later about a dozen women ranging from 50 years of age to over 70 entered the Main Ritual circle to cheers and applause. What a change and what a wonderful experience for me!

Some of us (Crones) grew up in the 1940's and 50's when the ideal mother stayed in the kitchen, grandma rocked, hidden in a corner, and the "maiden" aunt was hardly seen at all. No matter if we went on to become feminists, freedom fighters or leaders in our chosen field, that rocking chair was always there, just waiting for our skin to wrinkle and our steps to slow.

There has been a lot of discussion within Elderflower about when a woman can be named Crone. Claiming the title has always been voluntary. Age 50 was chosen as approximate time when a woman is in the menopause. Fifty seems younger today than it did even ten years ago, so this really isn't about age. Cosmetics, diet, drugs and surgery can delay the outward signs of aging for a long time but inside the body feels a change.

Just as the onset of menses marks the beginning of a woman's "Mother" phase, so does its cessation mark the end of her body's ability to reproduce. A girl entering puberty is in no way the strong, capable, creative woman she will grow into during the next 10, 20 or 30 years. The same is true for a woman of 50. She is stepping into new territory, largely uncharted, with not nearly enough role models.

Most of us probably will not live much beyond one hundred years, even with all the new technology. We have to learn how to live the last half of our lives when the past is longer than the future. Yes, it's exciting and challenging, but it is frightening as well to know how very easy it is for a woman to become invisible.

Let's not argue about when a woman can be Crone. Fifty is half a century, a good "starting place". Take it or not, you will know when you are ready to assume one more role.

For myself, I enjoy identifying as a Crone. I am still an Amazon Mother who doesn't exactly fit in any category, but now I walk with the Dark Goddesses and I think I am beginning to understand a little of what life is all about.

So please don't think I am an elitist if I choose to hang out with my "Cronies" and get a little wild and crazy at the Festival. Do look at us, though, really see us. Notice how our glasses slip down our noses, and how we laugh at the same silly things. Recognize our skills and talents, ask us questions, teach us new songs and new ideas, look at our interesting faces, SEE US. We are not alike but we share the common experience of having lived through that half century. Watch us and maybe you will see your grandmother or the woman who moves a bit too slow in line at the store in a different light. The rocking chair is still there but it doesn't have to be more than a resting place.

Elderflower is our community for a few precious days a year. We all have our roles and are interdependent. We celebrate the individual and create the whole. It takes us all make our village work.

I thank Deborah Bender for conceiving, birthing and mothering, Elderflower, then setting her free to grow. I honor each and every woman whose energy spirit and effort has helped re-create the Festival year after year.

This year when I walk with the Crones into the Circle, know that I do so with equal parts of pride, humility and hope for the future.

Here is more information about Crones at Elderflower.